Looking For Love
Dear Crabby - I am a 38 year old bear who is very popular at the bear parties. The problem for me is that I am really only attracted to guys in their 20's. Twinks. I can't really explain why this is. I have had a few relationships with twinks, but they fail because I get tired of their immaturity. So...my crazy problem is that I am PHYSICALLY attracted to the twinks, but MENTALLY attracted to the bears. What can I do?
Written by: Bear4Twink | 07/01 11:17PM

Bear4Twink, dahling,

I am afraid Crabby is baffled by your question? But she still will try to offer you some fabulous advice, sweetie. I'm not all that clear on what a "twink" is? I assume you are not talking about Hostess twinkies. I know Crabby is a bit behind the times when it comes to all the current gay fads. After all, I am a Stonewall queen. However, I never heard of twinkies being used as a sex toy. I'll have to do a bit of research on that one, dahling.

Back on top(ic): of course young men are yummy to the eye. But there really is not all that much to talk about, after getting out of bed, sweetie. I've met more than one twentysomething drag queen that has never even heard of the Stonewall riots! How can this be? We must never forget our drag queen roots.

When I was 35, sweetie, I made a promise to myself. I would never become sexually involved with anyone under the age of 30. Oh, I did slip once, and let myself fall in love with a young and ruthless dancer. And Crabby paid a high price. There is nothing worse than a broken heart and an empty bank account, dahling. Now I only go out with my equals. Not only are older men more intellectually stimulating, but they are cheaper.

So I'd lay off the twinkies for a bit, and try out a bear or two, dahling. True love is not something one finds in a grocery store. You're better off with a bear at the zoo, sweetie. I've always adored large men. They make me feel safe and protected. And all drag queens secretly desire this, dahling. Youth is fabulous. But thirtysomething men are easier to talk to, sweetie. And we all need someone to tell us how fabulous we are. And to mean it. So my advice is that you get thee to as many bear parties as you can. And try physically connecting to a cute bear or two. You might suddenly find yourself much more physically attracted than you ever thought possible, sweetie. Let Crabby know how it goes!

Onward and upward, dahling,

Crabby