dear crabby,

thank gawd i heard about your blog. i really could use some advice. i have been a working drag queen for the last five years. last month, i lost my job, and i suspect it has A LOT to do with my recent weight gain. i admit i have let myself go. i've never been a tall gurl (5' 4" in heels), so just a few extra pounds always made me look chubby. but after a messy break up with a man i still think about every day, i started to munch on lots of junk food, while i watched all my fave soap operas on tv. i suspected i was gaining weight, but i could not stop myself. i figured it was better than drowning my sorrows in a bottle of gin, right? well, the end result is that i now weigh 299 pounds! and even though i began doing an act that was a fabulous spoof of divine (the original hairspray queen), my sadistic boss told me to take a hike. my rent is past due and they are threatening to cut off my phone service. which means i won't be able to go online! is there any hope for me? or should i just eat myself to death! do you know of any clubs that are hiring big gurls? can you please let me know? thanks.

hopeless in seattle

HIS, dahling,

I'm glad you sent me an email. Crabby has convinced dozens of drag queens that life is worth fighting for, sweetie; so I'm sure we can figure something out for you. Are you aware of OA (Overeaters Anonymous)? I know a drag queen that has been to this fabulous self-help group. And she managed to lose 150 pounds! So there is always hope, dahling.

The first step is to stop eating all that junk food, sweetie. Then pick up the phone (before they disconnect your service), and call a crisis line. I am certain they can tell you where there are OA meetings. Plus it always helps to talk to someone, sweetie. Never isolate. Only connect! That's Crabby's philosophy of life, dahling.

Divine was a fabulous drag queen. Crabby met her more than once. But I am sure you must know that most drag queens are skinny as twigs, sweetie. So don't let yourself remain in that trapped kind of thinking. You will feel much better, once you start to lose those extra pounds. Plus think of all the money you will save? Junk food is expensive in more ways than one, dahling. I think you are starting to see that. So put down the junk food, pick up the phone, get the info about Overeaters Anonymous, and make it to a meeting as fast as you can, sweetie. Plus you might want to look around for some other kind of job, until you are back to being your fabulous self again. You still have options, dahling. Your situation is far from hopeless. Just take it one day at a time, and keep telling yourself that you can get through this. And please keep Crabby posted, sweetie.

Onward and upward, dahling,

Crabby