I could use some straight advice
Dear Crabby, I am not gay, but I am turned on by sexxy drag queens that can pass as the real deal. See, the problem is like this; I have a wife I am crazy about, but I still get turned on by the idea of chicks with dicks. Would it be wrong for me to have sex with a queen, just so I can see if it turns me on as much as I think it will? I hope I'm not being to graphic, but I just didn't know where else I could go with my little problem. My straight friends don't like gays, so I'm really putting myself on the line. What do you think I should do?
Written by: Brad | 07/21 08:13PM

Brad, dahling,

You are such a bad boy. Crabby is getting over a miserable summer cold, so you will have to forgive me if I am more crabby than usual, sweetie. You mentioned you have a wife you are crazy about. That should tell you everything you need to know, dahling. Why in the world would you want to risk losing a fabulous marriage, just so you can have a cheap thrill or two with "chicks with dicks"? I am a Stonewall queen, sweetie. So I am very old fashioned when it comes to matters of the heart. Do you honestly want to risk hurting your wife, just so you can see if you are turned on by fabulous drag queens? And what makes you think that all drag queens are willing to spread their fabulous legs for any straight man that just happens to come along, dahling?

True, there are some drag queens that adore having sex with straight men. Even if they are already married to a real woman. But Crabby frowns upon this sort of thing. You should have explored your fantasies before you decided to ask your wife to marry you, dahling. Unless you are not straight, sweetie? That would change everything. But since you have told Crabby you are not gay (and that all of your straight friends don't like all things fabulous), I will take your word for it that you are not hiding in a closet. And are just wanting to use some poor drag queen for your own sexual kicks. Drag queens have hearts, sweetie. We are not just sex toys to be played with and thrown away. Any self-respecting drag queen desires the same love and respect that real women get from their husbands. Does this come as a shock to you, dahling?

So Crabby's advice to you is this: If you are straight, be happy for the wife you are so crazy about. And don't risk hurting your marriage, just because you'd like to see if fabulous drag queens are a turn on for you. Of course drag queens are a turn on, dahling. That's what makes them so fabulous. Now if you are hiding in the closet, then the situation becomes much more complicated, sweetie. Crabby does not like to see anything in a closet that does not belong there. So please feel free to be more honest and open with Crabby. Either way, I wish you the very best.

Onward and upward, dahling,

Crabby