It was already mid-January and Master Dean and I have barely said more than a few paragraphs to each other; but ... we were civil.  I didn't want our relationship to end but I saw the inevetible approach of that cliff we were both going to have to leap off.

We'd discussed a few things about what had happened since Christmas when the Kid ripped my nipple off and Master Dean beat the shit out of him.  But each time the talk came too close to being emotionally charged, He would collapse and pull back; silent once again.

However, I found out that in the month of December Master Dean's company had been making the moves to gut His division and incorporate the few remaining staff into a different division ... and His neck was on the line.  The job he had worked so hard to get and do his very best - something he lived for - was about to be taken away.  It explained so much about Him and what was going on ... the pressure, the doubt, the holidays ... the Kid.  Then, the news that he was NOT going to lose his job inspired his turnaround.  

I laid into Him about being open and honest and that I had a lot invested in Him as well ... He should have confided in me and used me, not just as his Slave, his fuck toy, but as his lover and friend.  Of course, I didn't get much further than that before he clammed up all angry.  And, I think, mostly at Himself.

Even with this release, something still held him back ... as if he didn't want to or didn't know how to come back to where we had been before Thanksgiving.  It made me insane as many of my online slave friends will attest to.

Since my debauchery on New Years Eve, I hadn't done much of anything with anyone and I was horny as all fuck.  Depression lurked around every thought.  But, my design clients were happy and my new focus on my business made me feel so much better.  Sometimes even a slave wants to feel in control of something!

I decided it was time for a last hurrah.

Well, Master D came home and I had pulled all the stops on the romantic dinner thing.  He saw the table, candles and me with the butler's collar and cuffs on instead of the leather ... smelled the good food I made got a big smile from him...

Then he went directly back to the bedroom .. at first I was broken ... then I heard the shower... so I fixed him a drink and snuck into the bathroom to set it on the counter.  Then I finished everything in the kitchen.

He came out of the bedroom in his tight black jeans and tight ass tshirt ... an outfit he knows I love seeing him in.  He sat down and we started dinner.  He hadn't said a word yet ... but Master always speaks first.

A few minutes into it he said thank you ... and we did the whole "how was your day" chit chat.  Of course my heart's melting cuz despite all this shit I love him so much ...

I tell him I have missed him and that I hoped we could find a way back to each other.  That set him back a bit ... he smiled a bit ... and said "I know."  But I could see he was uncomfortable so I didn't say anythng else.

So ... anyway ... was a very nice dinner ... very relaxed... he even helped me clean up ... both of us were well-lubed ... with a glass of scotch before we started and two bottles of wine during ... we probably took an hour and a half eating ... this was the most we've both been so relaxed.

Mind you, I am naked and he's not ... and he's next to me .. touching me ... and my cock starts doing its thing.  I keep trying to tease him and we start chatting like we always used to and he clearly has a massive hardon ...
and I so want it ... so ... I'm loading the dishwasher ... on my knees taking the things he pre-washes ... I reach up and start to unbotton his pants.

I get two or three undone and he grabs my hands and says "stop."

I try not to take it for more than it is/was.  He kinda darkens and takes the wine bottle to the living room and turns on the tv.  I finish up and take my wine glass to go sit on the floor at his feet like I used to.  He kinda pulls away but not too far.

We're there for a bit flipping channels and I simply outright ask him to fuck me
I couldn't take it any more, I just blurted out "Will you please fuck me?"

He leans forward and my heart beats faster cuz i thought he was gonna kiss me; but he just put the glass on the coffee table and says "I can't" and he goes to the bedroom and shuts the door - which of course means I'm not allowed in.

So .. I finished the bottle of wine ... went downstairs to fuck a dildo.  Did that for awhile ... felt really good cuz I was all aggressive on myself ... so , now of course I am worried that he's got something to explain why he "can't" and I think it means he isn't my Master, isn't my lover any longer.  He just hasn't told me yet.